Hi Holly-ann,
Great to hear from you and thanks so much for uploading this to share with the PBPeople community.
I notice from the file address that this has the word 'draft' in so wonder if the following suggestions might be helpful in terms of further developing emotional literacy and consistency with the PB process:
Getting the 'f' word in - Number 4: Make time to listen to your child. If a child can’t talk to their
parents, who can they talk to? If your child says they are (feeling) scared, find out why.
(I feel really strongly about distinguishing between feeling and being - as saying 'I feel scared' rather than 'I am scared' separates the feeling from the behaviour and can help people choose how to behave rather than 'being' the feeling. I think Di highlights this when training Theme 1 by identifying the difference between 'Feel v's Be'.
Number 7 ........ 'Once they have mastered that you might add “it makes me feel …..
I try to encourage people to use ‘I feel ….., when …..’ language rather than ‘it makes me feel’ as this is consistent with the empowering nature of PBs. My thoughts are if someone believes they can make me or someone else feel something, then they have the power and could choose to try and pull my strings/wind me up etc. My feelings belong to me. This is also then consistent with the Ownership and Quality aspects of the Language of Safety in that I am not a 'victim' to my feelings or to the behaviour of others.
Number 11 'Support your child to be a risk taker, as long as they have choice, control or there is a time limit'.
Absolutely although I would use the words ‘Support your child to risk on purpose’ as this also acknowledges the need to consider how my risk might affect another person’s right to feel safe. In my experience people sometimes confuse risk-taking/risky behaviour with 'risking on purpose' and being reminded that as well as Theme 1 saying ‘I have the right to feel safe all the time’, it also includes observing my responsibility to other people as they have a right to feel safe with me.
One final thought I have is linked to Theme 2 and the difference that is suggested by saying ‘talk with’ rather than ‘talk to’. Again in training I would always discuss this difference as it highlights that communication is a two-way thing and that someone just ‘talking to/at’ someone might not enable communication that has clarity and shared meaning.
Thank you so much for posting this Holly-ann and hope the above is helpful in continuing the dialogue about the empowering nature of the PB process with the Language of Safety being the ‘glue’ that holds it all together. Looking forward to hearing what other PBPeople think too. Also looking forward to catching up with you when you’re next in the UK.
Topic Author
