Listening in School

In a new post at a new school (primary), I spent time today talking with children about their learning and 'next steps'. I went into year 4 to meet a little boy; the classroom was noisy and when I walked in, his teacher called to him and motioned for him to come over to me explaining it was so I could "speak to him". The child looked very nervous - unsurprisingly, as he had no idea who I was.

I got us a chair each and introduced myself, commenting warmly on how much learning he had done last year. I asked how he's getting on in Year 4; "It's okay....I'm getting used to it.....I am exhausted when I go home because of all the hard work......" He went on to say "I'm getting good at my reading now.....but I can't do my numbers....." I reassured him that the adults at school are here to help with things he finds most tricky, and that it was great he felt he could talk with me about what he finds tricky. Finally, I asked was there anything else he wanted to talk with me about, any other worries. He said "Yes...I'm worried about Year 5." This child, with identified SEN/D is a mere 3 weeks into his year in Y4 and is already feeling worried about next Sept. Resisting the reflex to answer "Don't worry about that, it is ages away," I explained that all his friends would feel worried about Y5 too, because new classes can feel a bit daunting, and that the learning he will do this year will help him to feel more ready for Y5 by next year.

The Deputy Head was very surprised the child spoke to me at all, given he doesn't know me. Apparently, he is very anxious and doesn't talk very freely, even to staff he knows.

Reflecting, I would love to find out why the child perhaps felt he would be listened to by me, a stranger new to the school? Was it the fact I wasn't in a rush? Was it the fact that I sat with him to indicate I had time? Was it that we were off to one side and he felt secure that he had my undivided attention? Was it the fact that I smiled and spoke kindly? Or that I knew of and highlighted the positive strides he'd made in his learning last year and he felt valued hearing me acknowledging that?

I will think about this when interacting with children at school tomorrow -- I'm not sure I really know what criteria individual children apply when deciding who is properly going to listen to them and help them feel listened to, but would love to try to meet that criteria with every child every time.

Would love to hear other people's thoughts on communicating to children the all important culture of feeling 'listened to'.

- judith

Hi Judith,
Loved reading your post and reminded me of times I used to visit pre-school settings and no sooner had I walked in the door was I was surrounded by children wanting to talk and be heard.
I mentioned your post to someone who recently gave me a copy of Nobel Prize Winner, Daniel Kahnman's book 'Thinking Fast and Slow'. I made time to read the introduction last night and then read your post this morning which felt a bit spooky because what I read seemed to provide evidence that people use instinct to make decisions before they think so perhaps this is exactly what the child you mention did. For me, this links beautifully, with the PB process in that PBs asks people to 'STOP and Take Notice of How you Feel before doing, in other words, listen to your feelings first.
I will be reading more tonight and will perhaps have some further thoughts to write tomorrow.
Many thanks and hope more children had the opportunity to find their voice and be heard with you today.
SA