Time Limits

I have a situation which I would welcome suggestions on…

I work with one particular small group of young children who feel unsafe a lot of the time for a number of reasons. They respond really well to PB work and really look forward to the sessions. Unfortunately, due to a fluid, demanding, minute to minute timetable, I am unable to give them a regular time slot for our work beyond 'weekly'. Generally, I let them know which day I will work with them and then they wait for me to arrive. Sometimes, they wander about school looking for me several times during the day, asking when I am coming. I try to reassure them that I will come, I just don’t know when. On occasion, I have tried to give them a specific time and then if I am unable to make it on time, I arrive late to discover they may have left class in frustration, or had a confrontation with staff, or both. I am reliable and never say to them on a given day that I will work with them and then not show up.

How can they keep themselves feeling safe, even if they don't know what time I will be there? What else can I do to help? .....

Many thanks,
Judith

Hi Judith,
That sounds like a frustrating and potentially distressing situation for both you and the children. Immediate thoughts that spring to mind are:

1. have you done Safe Place with them yet? If so, suggesting they imagine their Safe Place while they are waiting for you.

2. Do you know the 3/4 breathing technique.... teach them to breathe to the count of 3 and out for 4; this will help calm their nervous system down and again is a technique they can use as and when they need to.

3. Not clear if it one group of the same children in the same class you meet with or individual children from different classes; if the former can they support each other when waiting for you by reminding each other of their Safe Place or to do the 3 - 4 breathing.

4. Speak to the Head about the importance of a regular slot for them and see if you can find a way to time-table this.

Hope at least some of these ideas are helpful.
best wishes
Lucy

Hi Judith
Frustrating situation for both of you.
In addition to "inspired' some people have used a soft toy (or any other symbolic thing) for the child to carry in their pocket. They can talk to the toy about what is bothering them, use the toy and ask what the toy would suggest to do, or use it as warm 'hug' or something to tide them over until you are there again.
Cheers from Di.

PS have been quiet recently as have wall to wall visitors. Could not let this one go without a comment.

Many thanks for the great suggestions - really helpful.

The three children are in the same class and are great friends. Also, they have undertaken a significant amount of PB work (safe place, networks, persistence, protective interruption etc. - they are almost experts), hence they are so empowered, it leads to tensions with themselves and other staff at times which can be counterproductive and unhelpful. The children seem to have antennae as to when I am on or off site, and I tell them where I will be and when I am out so they feel safer. The moment I arrive back in school sometimes, they begin their 'antics'. I arrived back at school from a case conference today, and about 15 minutes later, a staff member said one of the little girls had left class and was roaming around looking for me.

It is tricky as I know many staff would love to dangle me and the PB sessions as a carrot to encourage good behaviour, and I absolutely won't support this. Additionally, the children know I am not a 'get out' clause and genuinely value our time together.

Will try Di's suggestion of something to hold onto/talk with. They have little 'leaves' which say they need to see a network person, and perhaps a little toy or token would help too, until I can get to their classroom.

Thanks again, any other ideas will be greatly appreciated.
Judith

Hi Judith,
Great to hear about all that you're doing to help the children develop the skills that they need to keep themselves feeling safe. Your post reminded me of 'Cathy's Story' from Peg's book Risking on Purpose when Peg needed to be in court and Cathy needed to talk.
I know you're already exploring ways to get more adults at school on your PB network which, in turn, could mean they could perhaps be available for the children for them to choose to add to theirs.
Looking forward to hearing how the PB process works for more adults and children!
SA x

Hi Judith,

I endorse all previous suggestions from PB colleagues

Another idea may be to work with them as a group and pose your/ their problem in a one step removed way for them to offer suggestions of potential solutions:

"I'm wondering if you can help me to help some children I'm working with in another school..."

or using a story about some characters in a similar yet different situation...a book or a made up role play with hand puppets perhaps?...

"How could monkey, duck and bear keep themselves feeling safe when they sometimes have to wait a long time for ..."

If they can come up with some ideas for the 'characters' perhaps you could funnel down to strategies they can use while waiting for you and build in rewards for using them?

Look forward to hearing how things progress.
Ann