Theme 2 - Take 3?

Hi All,
Following some recent joint-working between PBPeople and Sharon and Neil Evans from Miss Dorothy Com, I was chatting with Di Margetts and the relatively recent reworded Theme 2: 'We can talk with someone about anything, even if it's awful or small' became the focus of the conversation.
The rewording of the theme from:'There is nothing so awful or too little that we can't talk about it with someone', was presented at a PBUK conference in 2010 and seen as a way of avoiding the idea of 'can't talk about it' by highlighting the 'We can talk ....'
Di was not present at the meeting so, as far as I'm aware, wasn't part of the discussion. To edit the conversation slightly, Di noticed the new wording and very gently pointed out that this wasn't quite in keeping with the core process of PBs in that, who is to say if something 'is' awful or small? It's about if something 'feels' awful or small. Right away, the proverbial penny dropped for me and I thought 'She's right!' because this also fits seamlessly with Theme 1 in that we talk about 'feeling' safe rather than 'being' safe and, 'We can talk with someone about anything, even if it feels awful or small' highlights that it is up to the individual to decide what it feels like. And, the act of talking about it may feel awful or small?

So, what do you feel and think?

I have presented all 3 versions during recent PB training and the overwhelming response has been to prefer 'feels awful or small'. And I certainly feel most comfortable with this despite the fact that I have 500+ business cards printed with Themes 1 & 2 and '..... it's awful or small' printed on the back, not to mention the PBPeople and PBTP banners with the same. However, what a wonderful opportunity to talk with people about the way the PB process continues to develop whilst respecting the core process.
Many thanks Di for your 'elder wisdom': - I really want to find a way to bottle this for PBPeople of the future. :kiss:

Hi All
Thanks for this post Sally Ann and for clearly setting out your ideas.
They have been using another form of the theme in USA for quite a while.

We can talk with someone (we trust) about anything no matter how awful or small.

Personally I prefer’ We can talk with someone about anything even if it feels awful or small.’
I don’t feel comfortable with 'someone the we trust bit'. This theme is in Donna Fortins manual for people with special needs. Knowing so much about his area Donna has no doubt many reasons for using these words.

However for our day to day use I don’t like adding in, someone we trust, as we may need to talk with someone we don’t know, so how can we trust them. Yes EWS are part of this, and yet we may have our EWS and still need to talk. It may be we start talking and then develop some trust. Hmmm lots of ideas are coming now. I don’t need to spell them out to you.

By saying ‘We can talk with someone (we trust) about anything no matter how awful or small’ to me also asks the question who or what is awful or small.
Is it the problem or is it the someone.

Next, another reason I prefer ‘even if it feels awful or small’ is because it reinforces problem solving. It is a solution focussed Even if ... statement.

Cheers from Di

I completely agree that "we feel is awful or small" is a more relevant wording. After all what feels awful for one person could be considered small by another. Thanks for this.

Hi Maureen M
Just want to make a note of caution. The words used above in your message "we feel awful or small" are not what is noted by Sally Ann or myself. We are saying "even if IT feels awful or small" It is an interesting distinction ... My thoughts are ... if we have our EWS we may also bee feeling awful or small, however we may have our EWS and not feel awful or small. My preference at this stage is 'even if it feels awful or small' however if others disagree I am certainly open for change.
Cheers from a wild and windy spring afternoon. Di

Great! Another opportunity to clarify my thinking and to leave the tunnel vision behind. I love the developing discussions PBs invites. I am not sure about 'even if it feels awful or small'

Can you experience a feeling of awful or small about something? Isn't it a thought process to determine something's 'size'. For me the feelings we are talking about talking about (!) in this theme are early warning signs.

I remember years ago a deputy head challenging me at the twilight follow up after his school Inset training. He had been thinking about the statement I had made that 'feelings are feelings' and can't be good or bad, right or wrong, or positive or negative (although some are experienced as 'safer' than others to experience and some are more difficult to manage or less comfortable to experience.) He told me he thought 'hate' was a bad feeling. I thought about it for a second and then decided that hate was a thought not a feeling (although it may have physical feelings associated with it). Maybe the same goes for all emotional feelings though? Can you love or worry or feel sad without thinking? More questions and fewer answers the more thinking I do!!! Any views?

Hi Ann - a quick response as getting ready for more PB training tomorrow & Friday so may be out of the loop for a while. I can certainly remember times when I have felt awful and/or small!
Will think more and discuss with groups over the next few days and looking forward to reading what other people have to say too.
SA